Buzzwhacker Lisa Jones eats some potent rutabagas, then answers her own questions about the v-word.

What is a vortal?
A vortal is a cross between a vortex and a pot hole. It sucks you in and
spits you out in the middle of the information superhighway. But the cool
thing about the vortal is that it transforms you into a fine mist, like a
cloud, so you can float unobstructed through multidimensional realities.
This is all happening at the subtle level of mind rather than matter so you
can actually enjoy snacks or do minor household chores with your physical
body while your consciousness is in a state of vortalization.

Is there shopping on the vortal?
If you are in the vortal, you are shopping. The vortal is transactional in
nature, which means that you are spending money constantly while goods and
services flow ceaselessly into your mindstream. Of course, once you leave
the vortal you will not be able to speak of the remarkable coupons, deals
and discounts you found therein, but you will have the satisfaction of
knowing that your money was used to its greatest advantage.

Why won't I be able to tell friends and family about the vortal?
There's nothing sinister about it, it's just the way the technology works.
The vortal defies all modes of conceptualization. It cannot be expressed in
words. The only way to understand the vortal is to enter into it armed with
harsh skepticsm. You will come out a true believer.

How do I enter the vortal?
Second door on the left. Knock twice. Password is chimneysweep.